TheWeeklyComet-Issue7

Trisheli, a small coral atoll on the outskirts of the Nevan Is. Nexus, has made planetary headlines alleging that a large mutant squid is responsible for recent disappearance of a small-craft fishing boat. Audio transcripts collected by the Oceanian Coast Guard reveal that the Captain of the 'Blue Siren', Jawson McFinn, mentioned that a black tentacle tangled in his net. 5 minutes later, a formal SOS was sent before com-signals faded. Satellite enabled rescue workers to track down the remains of the ship, which was found just 10 knots from port, sans life raft. Search for the missing fisherman will continue through the week. The McFinn family and the Board of Marine Life have declined to comment at this time.

Faux Paintings, Faux Fur

Lunar Museum curators met with some embarrassment yesterday as it was revealed at a benefit gala that the cave art paintings on display were not original. Insiders report that faux paintings are often used during public events for security purposes. Usually this goes off without a hitch-but this past Monday when guests were greeted by a Mona-Gazellea with a ketchup mustache, tails were wagging.

The museum custodial unit acknowledges that the ketchup smudge was probably "just an accident when someone walked by too closely with their lunch." Needless to say, the Curators now in the process of extending many olive branches-and antlers-to everyone, for fear of losing crucial tax-time donations.

Martian Woman sees former Dictator in Tortilla Chip

Annabelle Wolf of Deimos went for a snack one night while watching a rugby game at home with her husband. Never on Earth did she suspect to find what she did inside her RedCorn tortilla chips. In an exclusive interview with the Comet she told us: "I reached my hand in after my husband, and I almost put it [the chip] in the dip, but then outta nowhere, this picture starts forming. I blinked, I thought I was goin' batty-but plain as day, Martial RedWolf was starin' me in the face." The next day, Mr. & Mrs. Wolf boarded a shuttle for Luna with the miracle-chip in tow. They fear that the implications of such a miracle could mean another coup on Mars, or at least trouble with the current regime. We'll keep you posted ...

Diplomacy and love endures on Annyrion

Monday, an unusually chipper Chancellor Thorrson met with Lopangan Secretary of State, Paris, for an informal discussion on the conditions of migrant workers south of the border-but of course, that isn't what interested us. Rather, that same day, across the ocean in Port Annakis, the Chancellor's long-time girlfriend, Dr. Snow Trevelyan, attended a surgical conference with medical colleagues. But instead of rubber gloves, she was wearing a sparkly stone on that all-important ring finger. When a Comet reporter attempted to question the doctor, a Peacekeeper removed him from the surgical conference. However, even if it means risking a lobotomy or political exile in retribution, the Comet staff thinks its safe to say that those engagement rumors are true. Calls to the Chancellor's press office were not returned.

Rap-artist sues Tuna-Label

Bad boy rapper Chocolate-Ice has filed a lawsuit against the manufacturer of a popular brand of canned tuna-fish. The reasoning? The firms recent advertisements apparently sample one of his songs as a jingle-and yet this so-called original song has been around without copyright for the last 100 years. Record label insider told the Comet: "You know, my grandpa used to sing those old Earth rock'n roll bits to me-no one owns 'em, so I don't understand why this would end up in court." Alas, this is not the first, or the last time that copyright controversy has broken out over cultural relics. However, the wire told us that an attorney provided by none other than InterCore has backed the tuna company and plans to counter-sue Chocolate Ice for fraudulent marketing on the grounds that he lip-synched throughout his interstellar tour. This could get ugly-but we'll let you know how it turns out!