TheWeeklyComet-Issue6(HolidayEdition)

Sweet, bite-sized sensations known as 'Ladi-Lumpz' has been recalled from grocery shelves across Mars during the busy holiday-grocery shopping rush. The reasoning? Apparently several candy-consumers have reported strange side-affects after chowing down. Penelope Blackfur, 32, of Amundsen told Comet reporters: "I ate a bag of 'Lumpz, and hours later, I could feel small rounded objects swelling up beneath my skin-it was terrifying; I thought I had some crazy nano-virus tumor!" Blackfur claims that a physician took a biopsy and found that the lumps beneath her fur to be nothing more than extraneous lipid deposits-and yet, because so many other furs have reported unusual swellings, particularly around the hips and thighs, after consuming Ladi-lumpz, the candy is being taken out of circulation for further testing.

No Coal in InterCore's Stockings

CEO Rostislav Ansgar was spotted yesterday at a Vixen's Secret counter in Cephalon. The calculating coyote allegedly dropped over 500 credits as her purchased hosiery and other lingerie items. This puts a unique spin on the recent rumors that his marriage has hit a rocky patch-was everything in the bag for his wife? Or does Mr. Ansgar have an under-radar mistress? Stay tuned ...

11249 year-old Santa-paws Cyborg lives on comet

A group of amateur astronomers based out of Sol claim that they have discovered a 11249year old Cyborg who calls himself Santa-paws living on a comet that is currently en route to the Oort Cloud. Contact was made with the Cyborg over an encrypted com channel where the Cyborg communicated in broken standard-English-no word on whether any elves were present. The astronomers now have plans to petition the Lunar Council for a search and rescue mission.

Lighting up Port Annakis, Griswold-style

How many high-ranking furs does it take to screw in a light bulb? Better yet, how many does it take to trim a cottage from chimney to doorstep in holiday glitz? Last weekend, Comet reporters snapped a photo of Chancellor Thorsson and several security officers hanging outdoor lights around the home of the Chancellor's rumored-to-be-maybe-more-than-girlfriend, Dr. Snow Trevelyan. According to the anonymous Comet reporter, everyone in the yard seemed to be in good spirits, even after a few close calls with the tack-gun and ladder. The Chancellor's publicist has declined to comment.

Mistletoe Conspiracy

Why do we kiss under the mistletoe? According to a group of researchers on 213 Mathilde, the mistletoe plant might emit high-frequency energy beams that cause the parts of the brain responsible for controlling libido to go into over-drive. The Lunar Science Council refutes this claim, naturally, but we at the Comet do hope that during this holiday season, you and a good kissing partner will be able to see for yourselves.

Best wishes for a Merry Christmas, Hannuka, or whatever else you celebrate. - The Comet Staff.